I m Broke!!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time , I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners..."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

Truth - Short Story :)

A lady told her Husband to go to the store to buy cigarettes.
He walks down to the store to find it closed.So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman n starts talking to her.
They hv few beers n one thing leads to another n they end up in her apartment.
Later, he wakes up n realizes its 3AM n says,
"Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to get really angr...y. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some powder.
He rubs it on his hands n leaves.
At the door, angry wife "Where the hell hv u been?"
"Well, honey, I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed.
So I went to the bar to use the vending machine.
I saw this great lukin girl there n we hd a few drinks n one thing led to another n I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Lemme c ur hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder . "You God damn liar! You were playing pool again!"

Moral of the story: Always tell ur wife the truth. She won't believe u anyway!!!

Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Ramesh: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Ramesh: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Ramesh: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Ramesh: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Ramesh: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Ramesh: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Ramesh: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Ramesh: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Ramesh: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Ramesh: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Ramesh: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Ramesh: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Ramesh: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Ramesh: *faints*